If your bro-in-law separates from his wife and says they are getting a divorce, do not try to make him feel better by saying "You can’t make a housewife out of a whore" because they might get back together, making holidays awkward. #LFMF

Submitted by: Amused inlaw via Submit Page

When you are potty training your little girl, realize that poop to them, looks a heck of a lot like playdough. Have the discussion BEFOREhand. #LFMF

Submitted by: Yoster via Submit Page

Make sure not to drop your keys in the little space between the floor and the elevator, it is a long way down. #LFMF

Submitted by: TheNewTeddy via Submit Page

Here is something I just learned. Iced tea can go bad when it sits in the back of the refrigerator for too long. It will still look the same. It will still smell the same. It will not taste the same. #LFMF

Submitted by: Mary via Submit Page

Make sure that your child’s preschool teachers know your husband is an IVF (test tube baby) lab supervisor before the "What my Daddy Does for Work" day – especially if your husband took said child into work on a quiet day to check data. Inevitably, when asked "What does your Daddy do for work?" will be answered as "He makes babies and I got to watch!" #LFMF

Submitted by: homemom via Submit Page

When twisting firework fuses together remember that the burn rate increases exponentially with the number of fuses involved, and that eyebrows take months to grow back properly. #LFMF

Submitted by: Andrew via Submit Page

When a nun keeps demanding you read more appropriate books in school (and by appropriate she means not sci-fi or Piers Anthony), do not bring in the Exorcist and try to convince her it is a book based in the Catholic religion. #LFMF

Submitted by: cathschoolgirlnomore via Submit Page

If you take nitroglycerin for a heart condition, learn to call it "heart pills". Airport security deosn’t appreciate you calling it "my explosives". #LFMF

Submitted by: Oren Otter via Submit Page

If your friend has to take a deep breath before listing off all the different drinks they had that night, they’re NOT OK to drive. #LFMF

Submitted by: Ben via Submit Page

When you ask your wife what she wants for her birthday and she says "You don’t have to get me anything." Don’t get her that. #LFMF

Submitted by: In the dog house via Submit Page